You know when you meet someone new and they ask questions about you and your family? I usually skip my mom and don’t say anything and then the person goes “What about your mom?” My heart usually sinks to my stomach and I feel sick.
I always make something up. But no more. This is gonna seem so rough but I can’t take it anymore. She’s invisible to me. I have so much resentment in my heart for her that I can’t waste another bad or hopeful thought on her. I’m just numb.
I can’t even remember a time when my mom was sober. It has been THAT long. I don’t remember her laugh, her smile, her smell, what her skin looked like, what she was like as a person. This demon has taken her and for years I would hope and pray and wish and hope some more that a miracle would happen and she would come back. But day after day, year after dragging year no mom. Just this evil person. I can’t express how badly my heart hurts. I will hear a song or I will have a dream and I see her. It’s only for a second and then I over think it and it goes away. This is the worst heart break I have ever experienced because it’s on going. It’s my mom. The person who is supposed to be there no matter what and give you advice when you’re upset. She isn’t there. And this year on mothers day I have to give my dad the credit. He has been there.
My father is the strongest man I know. He has been so hurt and he has had to explain to us that she loves us but she’s sick. Now that we’re older he can be a bit more open but there’s a problem. My youngest brother is ten. And he’s starting to realize what is going on. My heart hurts for him. Because I remember how hopeful I was. I remember how hurt I was. I hate seeing him cry and be upset. That is his mom. And he has never met her. He’s never seen the real mommy. Just the fake one. And that makes me so angry no one could even understand.
To everyone who thinks it’s just weed, or it’s just coke, or I will only do it once. Please. Think. Addiction happens to anyone at any time. And my mom is about to loose her life over an addiction.
If anyone is going through anything similar please message me. <3