This past month has been a hell of a month. My long distance boy friend of 6 months and I went through a lot. We had a little “break” I guess and I was hurt and wanted to see if he still cared. So I jumped into a relationship that has now ended. Seeing Levi and being with him is the most amazing feeling. He makes me so happy and one of the reasons I like him so much is because he reminds me of my dad a lot. I don’t know if all mechanics smell the same, but they both have the same smell. Same stick up their asses, but can be hilarious when they want to be. Quiet but you sure as hell better not piss em off or they will rip you a new one. Not emotional, except in extreme situations. Down to the T. Also he is the only guy that I feel comfortable around. We can be goof balls and I love it. We have done this long distance thing for a while, and now that it’s only 3 hours separating us it is a lot better. If we could go through the last couple of months we can trudge through a bit longer. He makes me happy and pushes me to be a better person and I am so thankful. Yea give me shit about having a week long “relationship” with a random. But it took that for me to see that I don’t want to be with anyone else but him. 

There is someone out there who will love me better. I’m over it and I don’t even care, long distance sucks. And I’m done being manipulated into thinking I’m the bad person.

My dad found the ‘Food Porn’ tag on tumblr……. I think he’s gonna be addicted now too… HA

Every single day I look in the mirror and I tell myself how pretty I am and I have a nice butt. It’s self confidence. Tell yourself you’re a hot piece of ass and you will be one.

I am in love with the country. The other night when I went to see my family in the small town of Pomeroy, we were driving back into town and we stopped on top of a hill and watched a lightning storm. No thunder. Which was weird. The smell of smoke. And you could see the wind towers red lights close to the Blue Mountain range. Anyways we pulled into a field and watched then I looked up at the sky and saw the Milky Way. So amazing. How being over here makes me sheltered in a way. I don’t get to enjoy the freedoms that other teens and kids got because my parents are scared of me getting kidnapped. Over there everyone sleeps with a 12 gauge under their bed and pretty much no one fucks around, unless you are a crack head passing through. As I looked up into the sky, it made my mind go to different places..I thought theres no way this planet is the only thing with living beings on it. Then I thought, Holy shit. I am in the middle of nowhere and what if the zombie apocalypse happened right now? Then I got back into the car… haha

I have made mistakes. Some I may repeat. Some I definitely have learned from, and I am certain I will be making more mistakes and learning as I go. I don’t regret anything because if I never made those mistakes I wouldn’t be who I am today. So please, let me live my life and make my own choices wether they be good, or bad. I am learning.

Hey y’all follow me on Instagram. My username is 20sickness.

Dear future boyfriend,

        I’m sick of being let down. I’m sick of being told stupid lies. I’m tired of putting my trust into shady ass people. I’m tired of being an option instead of a priority. And thus, I hate relationships. I don’t know who is real and who just wants to get lucky. It’s confusing, and I really want a friend/lover who isn’t a complete dick but knows how to push my buttons without really pissing me off. Someone I can trust and will tell me the truth no matter what it is. I’m the type of girl who isn’t going to control you and make you hate being around me. Go fuck around with your friends. Drink, a lot or a little. Go to a fucking strip club. As long as you tell me and assuming I trust you, I know you wouldn’t do anything dumb. At the end of the day we’re together. But the moment you break that trust is the moment you loose me and I will never go back. Once I’m gone, I’m gone. I don’t play stupid games. That hard to get shit. No. Don’t do it, because I will not pursue you. It’s childish and stupid. If you like me, say so. I don’t want to have to interpret your feelings or decode a fucking text message. I want us to go on little adventures for the day. Watch movies. Play board games late at night. Watch info-mercials. Make pancakes and bacon. Lay in bed all day. Get a little too drunk. Piss each other off and then laugh about it. Tell stupid jokes. Make dumb faces. Get a puppy. Share secrets. Meet not only the immediate family, but be special enough to each other that we meet grandparents, aunts, uncles ect. Move in together and fight about closet space. Go walk through Ikea and pick out furniture, maybe argue about couches or something. Go home and fall asleep in your arms. Wake up next to you. Bubble baths together. Get a puppy and then maybe get married and have two boys. Buy a house with a big back yard. And then watch as our lives progress into more amazing stories.

Don’t let me down.

So when I get into a relationship and we live together I am buying a dildo. Not for me. So when he pisses me off I can just hit him in the face with it..Or if he did something the night before to make me upset I’ll wake him up with it. ahahaha seriously though. It’s happening.